Sunday, August 5, 2012

For God!!!

Dear God,

I somehow feel I have to talk to you; I need to. The first thing I can think of, after seeing the little Krishna idol kept at my office desk is that you are beautiful. I feel so protected whenever I look at you and honestly I want to Thank You for being there. I want to thank you for letting me understand and comprehend whatever life brings forth. I want to thank you for letting me be strong even during the toughest times. You've helped, I admit. But, God, there are times when I feel lonely. I feel lost and scared. Things, as you know, are not as good as they should have been. I have lost a lot on my path of life. At times I regret, sometimes I feel bad but most of the times I feel lucky because everything is helping me grow up. It makes me a strong person.
One day, I talked about how problems are those gifts that God bestows upon you because He is sure that you can handle them. I know I am fortunate because you consider me able enough to go through all the ups and downs, but sometimes I shudder because the reality seems so abstract.
I am sure there must be some meaning behind all of it. I am sure you have some plans and I do not doubt any of it. Something deep down tells me that everything's going to be all right soon and that helps me wipe off my tears with ease; that helps me smile genuinely almost all the time; that helps me feel good with my own self. And then that helps me not to feel alone.
I know I am taking a lot of your time when you are busy helping people who need you a lot more than I do; there is so much going around in the world, there are people in pain, there are many who are dying and they need you more but you are my friend and I know you will handle me and them simultaneously; and so I will continue.
God, I miss dreaming. When I talk of dreams, it doesn't really mean the literal dreaming process, because that's happening way too much these days and trust me its irritating. But, when I talk of dreams, it points out at those dreams which let your life move in the correct direction; dreams that you see for yourself; dreams filled with passion; dreams which complete the person you are. Oh yes! I miss dreaming. I try to sometimes but you know it has to be natural and instinctive, otherwise the artificiality complicates what I feel and do. I request you to bring back certain dreams, I request you to let me be full of vigour and zeal. I request you to let life be a lot more meaningful.
I have always known that 'hope' lightens life miraculously and so I rarely stop hoping for the best. I fight with myself whenever I behave like a pessimist. I stand up as soon as I fall. I look at the silver lining of the black clouds and you know I also let the people around me feel so positive that they realize that life is what you make out of it. But, sometimes, I do not understand why I divert from this very thought. Sometimes, I feel weak and I feel that you ought to take control. I hope you are there, listening to me and my prayers. I hope you will take care and let me feel blessed. I hope you will make it all right.
Thank you for hanging on till here. You mean a lot to me. Bless me and everyone around. And, please do smile and let me know you'll always be there.

Love,
Me.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Bound!!!

I feel somewhat culpable. I was going through my blog when I suddenly realized that the last time I posted was over an year ago. I sit down to introspect...Why coudn’t I write? And somehow I don’t have any answers. The last one year of my life has brought about a number of changes in the way I live, the way I work and the way I look at relationships, friendships and love. Living alone makes you a responsible person but at times it grabs away from you the time which should have been solely yours. When I say "live alone"... I don’t mean being aloof or living in a house all by yourself because that would certainly make anyone go insane. When I say "live alone", to me it means being accountable for your own life, for your needs, your dreams. It means taking your own decisions, learning your own lessons, knowing that you are the one who can make yourself smile and you are the one who will wipe your tears. Life brings forth so much, all at the same time, but this is my time to feel complete. I do not think too much anymore, that is hugely because I am really busy. There's work at office, work at home and work everywhere. There are friends all around and you are supposed to be with them at all times. Yes, it doesn't leave me with any time to be with myself anymore and that in turn helps me 'not to write'. About dreams, I feel 'dreamless' because they are so haphazard that I never know what to do with them. About my 'past', I feel beautiful because those were testing times and I evolved into a strong person because of my past. I need to think more, introspect, look into my own life and choices, set the right priorities and then I will come back because my love for writing is still intact. I should go on and on and write forever.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I want to write today...I miss some special people and some special things that I've lost in the course of time. I miss writing a diary. I think my diary kept me real close to my own self. Today, when I see myself...I know deep down its Me, the person I ve always been and the person I'll always be...but again just so unexpectedly i feel am parting ways with some part of what I am. I do not introspect much...introspection though important brings back some old, soft-hued memories. But, that shouldn't mean that I do what am doing...So, yes am writing a diary...a sorta public one right now coz I don't want to care much about the world's philosophy about me. Have heard a lot...everyone seems so judgmental...and that's what takes the love away. Relationships that take years of love, nourishment and care drift apart all of a sudden for no reason at all...happens with many of us and we all tend to think...What really caused this?
Oh yes I miss those old times...when the only things that lived were DREAMS...nothing else seemed as important and as visible too...We could always be hopeful coz we always knew...there's a long life and numerous opportunities ahead of us...but right now...a lot of it seems to have been lost...Right now what I think of is so much different...What caused this? May be everything that caused life to be what it is today. Every little moment adds something to your life...every little incident leaves back a mark, a memory, a lesson...Am thankful for all that has come my way (I guess don't have an option. Positivity makes life convincing for sure).
When today I tried to look back to some fragments of the past, I felt somewhat lost. Okay may be am not able to express myself too clearly coz of some restrictions, apprehensions and confusions, but yeah I sort of feel hurt... You cannot feel that or even understand coz its different for each one of use. We all have faced rough times. In fact we are constantly running away or catching up...we are rarely at peace. We all have imperfections, we all hurt the people we love and get hurt all the same. But, at the end of the day we LOSE...some smiles, some relationships, some love, some sweetness, some answers and some care. What we are left out with is a whole lot of memories...good and bad.
I'd just say from some personal experiences...don't be too judgmental about others lives, don't think too much...be yourself...be loving and be kind...everyone around means a lot to us and its gross to wait for the right time to realize that...
Look around...think about people who are a part of your life and you'll know that each of them holds an inimitable sense of significance in your life and in making you what you've become...
I'd end up here...rest is for you to think!

No matter where life has brought me today
No matter how much I've lost on the way,
There's still a life I've to unfold
And learn from what I've seen to this day...
I miss what's gone in the times left behind
May be that's how it was all meant to be.
What matters is the love and care I've found
And the dreams that still this heart tries to see...:)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

An endeavour...

Yeah, am getting back to it…in fact trying to get back to it. WRITING…honestly I never left it; just the way you can’t leave you soul, even after you die. No matter what, you always hold on to your soul. You lose your structure, your body, every iota of the substance that envelope this soul…I think that’s when you do not lose yourself. ‘Cause that’s the only thing really left…your SOUL.
I know am not writing something that’s much of an eye-opener. I am somewhat writing because the more I distanced myself from this, the farther I got from my soul. I like being real. I like being ME and of course I like being the real Me. Every soul in this world is pure. Yes, untainted and beautiful and that’s why am trying to love each soul. Its not that I hated anybody but may be I never really loved everybody too. The entirety and magnificence of love brings the feeling of delight in me…and may be in you too. Ever thought of this?
Moving forward, I would say that today am not writing for anybody else. Instead am just writing for myself, for the girl I’ve always been.
I realize so many things from time to time. There’s a good deal to know about, a lot to learn, there’s so much to smile on and yes, there’s a lot to cry for as well. This one life is so full of everything; emotions-loads of them, expectations, desires, dreams, frustrations, apprehension, affection, hatred, pleasure, sorrow, splendor, aloofness and just everything else.
There are numerous things I still wanna learn. One day I want to learn ice-skating, the other day its sketching; the third day I wanna learn how to play a guitar, the next day I wanna ride a horse and this desire and wish of learning goes on. In the same way, there are several things I wanna dream about. Truly, I want to set myself free. I want to leave behind the losses of the past, I don’t want to look forward to the uncertainties of the future; and what can I say about the present? About this little moment that am holding right now? Yes, I know it. In the present, I just wanna SMILE :)

Someday, the sunbeams will make me warm
The clouds will send those drops of rain;
The breeze will touch me and it’ll touch my soul
And life would not be so mundane.
I wish to see my dreams
With a clear and unbiased view,
I wish to fall in love with love
And refrain from all the things untrue.
I hope to hope for beauty
For being just pure at heart,
Feeling the sunbeams, the raindrops, the breeze
And being myself for the most part.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A desire to achieve, a desire to conquer...
A wish to laugh and smile all along;
A desire that ties you to a grasping world
To which your soul does not belong.


Our world, our life, our thoughts, our wishes....they all concentrically move around our desires. There is always a "longing"...a wish...a need...which is constantly working as an invisible force to separate us from our soul. Our desires are thus the devils which solely focus on disconnecting our thoughts and our deeds from the real "us" thats lying deep within ourselves. The gradually changing world endeavours to arouse in us a materialistic approach towards the lives we are "living"...
A desire to achieve the best, a desire to win, a desire to be admired, a desire to be content, a desire to be loved...and this is how we fail to realise how these desires are overpowering our innocent dreams, our untainted thoughts and our free soul...

I close my eyes to avoid the truth
I divert my thoughts to accomplish my desire...
But sometimes the flame of passion and zeal
Alters into an uncontrollable fire...
Its all in my hands,
Its all in my heart...
The real fiend thats tearing my soul apart...


I do not want my desires to bind me to a life that was never mine...I do not want my wishes to capture me in a frame that would change my soul...
To "desire" is important...because our desires when combined with a positive spirit tend to bring in our lives a pleasure filled with purity...the smiles that can wipe away the tears all around. I know life is not spun around these smiles and tears, desires and sacrifices...but the life that God gave us is supposed to concentrate on the desire to "serve others"...these thoughts are deep, confusing, complicated, hard and may be even impractical but holding on to our real selves till the end is the most prominent challenge that life puts forth us and the people who believe in this turn out to be the real heroes because they make an effort to accomplish their desires without malice in their hearts and alteration in their souls...

It all depends on ur take on life, how u see life, what u want to make out of it, ur desires, the reason hidden behind them, the means you take to achieve them, ur beliefs, ur deeds, ur wisdom, ur heart and ur soul...

Desire to love without an expectation,
Desire to spread cheer and kindle the spirit within;
Desire to know urself better
And bring transparency in ur vision...
To desire is a natural trend
A way on the path to your goal,
What matters is how you shape ur desires
So that they work towards sanitizing your soul...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

“There must be more to life than having everything”
This reflection struck me in an unusual way. If we all consider the present state of our lives, we are most likely to end up either smiling all the way or with tears in our eyes. Our present might seem either very complete or it might be oddly incomplete…in so many ways. Our feelings may lead us to an aura of happiness….happiness for being blessed….blessed for having wonderful friends, supportive parents, nice clothes, a bright future and everything that we could want from life…Or may be we might think about the misery of being what we are or living the life we are supposed to live….We might be swathed with grievances from the past, apprehension for the future, misunderstandings between the people we love. We might be depressed coz of hostility in the family, a decreasing success graph, losses…tears…loneliness

But for me
…”Life is beyond these smiles and tears”None of us would think about the little things, the little words, the little fun…which get together to adorn a long life. We think about the number of times we’ve been hurt; but what about the days when laughter was more essential than our bruises and blood? We think about the arguments and the roughness that they bring; but what about the days when friends, fun and games were beyond our ego.
That’s how I think about “childhood”… we learn the best lessons of life in the first few years of our existence….we learn how to overlook small matters and forgive loving friends…we learn how to share our toys and make others smile…we learn how to be “ourselves”….we learn how to believe in miracles, how to take pleasure in the drizzle, how to beam with innocence, how to love with care…
What really matters in life is for how long we manage to lighten up this spirit in our hearts.
Life is not merely about having the whole lot…Life is not always about feeling absolute and contented…But the journey of life is about knowing your own self; its about laughing in the rain, sleeping in a snug blanket, kissing an adorable puppy, enjoying the sturdy winters, eating those stupid candies, learning those little morals, bringing glee all around….spreading love and exuberance.
Life is not complete when you have everything, rather its blissful when you discover everything in whatever little you have…:-)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The best part about having friends is that ....you can always feel good about being the person you are because friends make you love yourself......

May you have a Cloudless Sky...
Thanks a tonne:-)

(This one is for aman:-) )