For God!!!

Dear God,

I somehow feel I have to talk to you; I need to. The first thing I can think of, after seeing the little Krishna idol kept at my office desk is that you are beautiful. I feel so protected whenever I look at you and honestly I want to Thank You for being there. I want to thank you for letting me understand and comprehend whatever life brings forth. I want to thank you for letting me be strong even during the toughest times. You've helped, I admit. But, God, there are times when I feel lonely. I feel lost and scared. Things, as you know, are not as good as they should have been. I have lost a lot on my path of life. At times I regret, sometimes I feel bad but most of the times I feel lucky because everything is helping me grow up. It makes me a strong person.
One day, I talked about how problems are those gifts that God bestows upon you because He is sure that you can handle them. I know I am fortunate because you consider me able enough to go through all the ups and downs, but sometimes I shudder because the reality seems so abstract.
I am sure there must be some meaning behind all of it. I am sure you have some plans and I do not doubt any of it. Something deep down tells me that everything's going to be all right soon and that helps me wipe off my tears with ease; that helps me smile genuinely almost all the time; that helps me feel good with my own self. And then that helps me not to feel alone.
I know I am taking a lot of your time when you are busy helping people who need you a lot more than I do; there is so much going around in the world, there are people in pain, there are many who are dying and they need you more but you are my friend and I know you will handle me and them simultaneously; and so I will continue.
God, I miss dreaming. When I talk of dreams, it doesn't really mean the literal dreaming process, because that's happening way too much these days and trust me its irritating. But, when I talk of dreams, it points out at those dreams which let your life move in the correct direction; dreams that you see for yourself; dreams filled with passion; dreams which complete the person you are. Oh yes! I miss dreaming. I try to sometimes but you know it has to be natural and instinctive, otherwise the artificiality complicates what I feel and do. I request you to bring back certain dreams, I request you to let me be full of vigour and zeal. I request you to let life be a lot more meaningful.
I have always known that 'hope' lightens life miraculously and so I rarely stop hoping for the best. I fight with myself whenever I behave like a pessimist. I stand up as soon as I fall. I look at the silver lining of the black clouds and you know I also let the people around me feel so positive that they realize that life is what you make out of it. But, sometimes, I do not understand why I divert from this very thought. Sometimes, I feel weak and I feel that you ought to take control. I hope you are there, listening to me and my prayers. I hope you will take care and let me feel blessed. I hope you will make it all right.
Thank you for hanging on till here. You mean a lot to me. Bless me and everyone around. And, please do smile and let me know you'll always be there.

Love,
Me.

Bound!!!

I feel somewhat culpable. I was going through my blog when I suddenly realized that the last time I posted was over an year ago. I sit down to introspect...Why coudn’t I write? And somehow I don’t have any answers. The last one year of my life has brought about a number of changes in the way I live, the way I work and the way I look at relationships, friendships and love. Living alone makes you a responsible person but at times it grabs away from you the time which should have been solely yours. When I say "live alone"... I don’t mean being aloof or living in a house all by yourself because that would certainly make anyone go insane. When I say "live alone", to me it means being accountable for your own life, for your needs, your dreams. It means taking your own decisions, learning your own lessons, knowing that you are the one who can make yourself smile and you are the one who will wipe your tears. Life brings forth so much, all at the same time, but this is my time to feel complete. I do not think too much anymore, that is hugely because I am really busy. There's work at office, work at home and work everywhere. There are friends all around and you are supposed to be with them at all times. Yes, it doesn't leave me with any time to be with myself anymore and that in turn helps me 'not to write'. About dreams, I feel 'dreamless' because they are so haphazard that I never know what to do with them. About my 'past', I feel beautiful because those were testing times and I evolved into a strong person because of my past. I need to think more, introspect, look into my own life and choices, set the right priorities and then I will come back because my love for writing is still intact. I should go on and on and write forever.