A smile...a dream...and a HOPE

Laughter...smiles....fun and hope. These few words define ME. Its always so beautiful when you live for the moment...when you laugh at the silliest jokes and smile at the simplest things...Its always so refreshing when you talk endlessly about some wonderful dreams...without knowing they would be a part of your life or not....But we never cease to dream...because dreams, aspirations, ambitions and the magnificence that they hold, mesmerize us and bring us into a different world...a different manifestation of life....which is filled with the aura which completes us....
When I smile and laugh, I feel an unusual kind of contentment...a satisfaction which is as fulfilling as a person dying of thirst would feel if he fortuitously finds WATER....
With the pace of life, the serenity of my voice, with the glint in my eyes...everything seems so COMPLETE...to everyone around.... But what about the hollow in my heart that has been tearing me apart since the time i realized how important dreaming is....Today as i write this blog, I want to touch the most sensitive feelings of every person who holds a misery behind his cheer...Life is the same for everyone...What matters is your perspective towards it...Some people know how to hide their innermost fears enveloped with their outer strength... while some people forget to comprehend how strong they really are...and they can hardly survive the pulls n pushes of this superficial world...
Some hearts can sing the songs of hope and delight even when their soul is drowning in tears....and that is where the difference comes.....THE SPIRIT OF LIVING!!!
Its tough...really tough to veil your depression by an appealing charisma, to cover your sorrow with the beauty of bliss...but believe me its tougher to live life without understanding how precious a SMILE is....

A smile is a reflection of the person you are...
A smile is the fulfillment of your hopes and dreams...
A smile holds you...strong and deep...
And makes life simpler...no matter how hard it seems....
A smile brings you closer to yourself each day...
It gives you the spirit to fight the despair....
It makes your dreams a part of your soul...
And brings a contentment which makes life fair....
:-)

DEATH... Literally death means "the end of life". When I write this blog, I gather all the courage in my heart and soul to express what I've been feeling.
Life is limited. I've always taken life for granted.....Never gave a thought to the fact that we all will abandon this world someday. Someday our life will lose its pace. Someday our breaths will take a halt. Someday all the dreams, the plans, the cheer would break all of a sudden...and life won't be "life" anymore...
I'll never forget those eyes, that excitement, the charm and the dreams that her heart held... I'll never forget those steps where we sat someday to talk about...DEATH. I'll never forget the comfort she always gave me...the care, the love, the concern she had for me....I'll never forget those endless discussions we had about every feeling, every hope, every smile, every tear and every part of life...
When the rain drops touch me...when the stars twinkle...when the sun beams...I just try to feel her presence in every iota of nature....may be because I can't accept that she has left me....because I know that she never wanted to go. She always loved whatever i wrote...and today when I write this for her, I can't stop the tears that wet my face...the tears that are still waiting for her to come and wipe them off...

After she left this world....DEATH seems to be something different altogether....I know death can't be something that's harsh or cruel...Death can't be darkness in light...Death can't be despair and grief...Death can't be insensitive and numb....Death can't be an END because she holds a light...a smile...a fearless and beautiful aura...and I know that wherever she is must be a place of serenity, purity, love and "LIFE".... A life better and more absolute than anyone can imagine...
"You'll always be there in my heart...I know I'll always miss you badly but... I've been trying to feel you and I know you're there...looking at me...smiling and trying to tell me that you're happy....and life is beautiful:-) "

I pray for your soul
For the serenity you hold,
I pray to find your presence
In the warmth and in the cold.
Thanks for being a part of my life
for your love and friendship too;
The only thing I wanna tell you is
"I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU"....

( Before I begin posting this blog....I just wanna tell everyone that right now i am not at all SAD....I wrote this blog long time back but never got a chance to post it....but today I wanna put it here....this blog is full of grief and losses but trust me ppl.....m not sad:-) )

After a very long time, I could gather the courage to sit down and write.... Whenever I write, I don't think a lot bcoz things come straight from my heart....donno why this time am thinking....I dont want to talk a lot about the tears, the losses, the sadness, the loneliness, the regrets, the helplessness.....that i encountered in the last few days...but the irony is that I can't even talk about genuine happiness bcoz even that has been missing. The moon and the stars in the night sky glitter like before but I can't see them smiling. The rays of teh sun still give me light but I can't feel their warmth. The soft and cool breeze still touches my face but I cant hear its whispers. The vast blue sky still makes me smile but I can't see GOD.

I'm flowing with the sea
I'm walking with the ways;
I'm smiling with the sky
And m passing these days..
But I feel something is missing
In the heat or in the frost;
And then I suddenly realize
That its me whom I've lost

I never wanted to lose myself and even today am trying to hold on to my real self really tight...but some parts have gone and the others are trying to break through....
Our desires, or dreams and our smiles don't touch us so easily because we need to realize their importance. This is because if we get all that we want so easily, then we'll lose ourselves even faster...Life has shown me something that very few people understand. I know there are thousands of ppl who are suffering and who are in pain...But I also know that everyone who feels pain is a very beautiful person...Every tear, every grief, every despair adds a beauty, a purity and a life in our real selves....
And that is why I accept the misery...n i hope that I'll touch the horizon...and I'll smile because someday I'LL FIND MYSELF AGAIN!!!

Though losses and tears broke me someday
But I still stood up to walk,
Every pain made me know who I am
And I could hear my soul talk...
Times that are tough are making me strong
I'm learning to dance in the rain,
And I know The sun will shine with hope
And I'll find myself again!!!

Now again i ve got a lot of spare time....time to think...to dream...to cry...to laugh n but ofcourse...to WRITE. I actually donno what should i write today. I can't recollect stuff that has happened after i wrote my last blog. There are still a number of things untold... a number of feelings not felt....and a number of tears untouched....Today the thoughts tht are crossing my mind compel me to think about HAPPINESS....I sometimes wonder about the wonders of being happy....n yeah i know that no one in this world is genuinely happy.....we all don't know WHY??? May be coz thr are very few people who understand about the depths of their lives....Everyone is busy, everyone has goals to accomplish, accolades to win.... but there is something that i diminishing with what we call "life"....This something is LOVE...I still can't see people coming up with a definition for love.....
A few days back i happened to read a book called "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho.... The writer's words transformed the definition of love in my eyes...n i realised something that hasn't been thought upon by a whole lot of people....i realised that LOVE is not a part of life....but life is a part of love.... We can harness the energy of the winds, the seas, the sun...But the day we harness the energy of love, that will be as important as the discovery of a new life.....Love is not about having an obsession for a person who has a charming smile...or beautiful eyes....or awesome looks.....NOOOO Love can't be so limited....love is as vast as the blue sky...love teaches us to feel that everything has a beauty behind it....love is everything that speaks to u not through words...but through feelings.....love teaches u what it means to follow ur heart....Love is a pain filled with pleasure....Love always brings in freshness...an energy that purifies one's soul and brings to us a kind of serenity never experienced before......Love is nothing n at the same time....LOVE IS EVERYTHING......
I jus know that happiness can be felt when u know ur soul...when u know ur heart...n when u feel love....because love has no bounds...love is free....free to touch ur heart....free to make u smile....n free to give u a new life....life that is filled with beauty....life that is filled with the true meaning of happiness....
Close ur eyes n feel the energy of love....don't run after love to catch it in ur fist....but let love follow u....let love be free....n let love conquer ur heart...because love needs u....n don't forget....U NEED LOVE TOO.....:-)

FRIENDSHIP...... I hastily zip around my room...to find a dictionary....n then i take a quick glance upon the alphabets.....m waiting for an "F" to appear....Yeah i find it...But..."friendship".. the word i seek is not in sight...There are all sorts of words...ranging from fable to facility, family, fantasy, foolish, freedom..........uhhh and finally here it is-"FRIENDSHIP"....According to the oxford dictionary...friendship is a bond of mutual affection......I close the book at once n think abt the essence of friendship in my life......The first person who comes into my mind is HER...She has been my best friend since ages......i met her first way back in the 5th standard....we weren't the kinda friends who click instantly.... but thr was something which drew us so close....yeah we have been friends since so long....
We were friends when we used to run during the recess n play a game called land, sand , water, sea n mud:-)....we were friends wen we used to be in different sections, feelin a bit lonely but tryin to fit in....we were friends wen we used to write long long letters to each other even though the world found it so uncool....we were friends wen we had little ,tiny problems which seemed as big as mountains in those days...we were friends all the time we were growin up...all the time we were findin a definition for ourselves.....we were friends wen we used to make timetables to study for our exams....wen we used to discuss abt almost everythin...be it the latest trends, our friends' stupidities, our dreams n DELICIOUS FOOD......Yeah we have always been FRIENDS......even wen we used to stay awake all nite chattin wid each other...feelin matured...lol....n then sleepin every other day in scool at the last bench....we were friends wen we used to bunk some classes, eat our tiffins before recess n then stroll around GOLDY n laugh at her...wen we used to share each n every part of our lives wid each other....Huh...WE'VE BEEN THE STRONGEST PAIR IN THE UNIVERSE.......
There have been times wen she has wiped off my tears wid her words of comfort... wen she has made me feel important....wen she has made me laugh loudly even in sadness...this blog is for her....for my bestttt friend....for the person who has jumped wid joy in my happiness n cried out buckets wen i was sad.....Life is not easy....n things mite have changed between us....thr have been so many testing times in this innocent bond of ours....i know the past can never come back.....i know tht things cant be tht beautiful again....but i know tht i love her...n she loves me...The only thing i wanna say to u is tht..“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
Now i dont need a dictionary to define friendship...coz for me the true meaning of friendship is HER......

Hmmm lets get on n write something.....got a chance to convey my feelings here...after a really long time........ohhhh i miss those days so much........ today what i intend to write here gonna be too informal for words....they'll jus portray my feelings, my smiles, my tears....very directly...very simply........
The world n its people....all seem to be strangers......we all have friends.....a family.....parents......but at the end of the day....everyone is a stranger......so the ups n downs of life.....the beautiful times.....the testing times.....all teach me that i need to know myself........ Have read somewhere-" Try to be yourself. Be very honest about who n what u are......If people like u....thats fine.....if they don't ......thats their problem. "

But its too tough to entrap such sayings in our minds...... the most prominent quality of a human is to be social.....we are always so concerned about what ppl would say....or how they would react....At times, these ppl...this society....these thoughts... make us forget our real selves..... Isn't it weird....Weird that we are not realising the truths behind our existence.....Weird that we are not yet sure about the essence of our lives.... No one knows what has to be changed..... all our ideas...thoughts...assumptions...are so faint...... The basic problem with we human beings is that.... we don't wanna think.....or may be we don't wanna do something about our own life....jus because our lives are controlled by what others say n the way they react..... Are we sure that it is our life????? No dreams, no interests.......we are jus surviving.....fighting to be ahead of everyone else...... workin day n night..... leading a life full of tensions, fears, frustrations......and huhhhhhh then after all this .... we don't have time to think...... think for the better of our soul n heart....... Then why does man still stand up..... high......reaching all the impossible destinations.....standin on the face of the moon n shouting....I AM THE WINNER.........
I wonder how can someone who has lost himself be a winner..... someone who has worked against his own interests....jus to gain what the world calls SUCCESS.......
Why can't we define success for ourselves...... where have we lost our innocence..... our smiles.....our soul.... For me.... eating an icecream on a cold rainy day.... can be the definition of success......for me facing struggles to make myself strong...can be success........For me failing once to achieve bigger next time.....can be success.
We just need to know what success means to us....we jus need to ponder on our own lives....n think....jus because at times....little things...... smaller moments...... n stupid thoughts can make us know what our happiness is....and then afterall happiness is synonymous with SUCCESS.....

" Don't stay away from the rising sun
Don't feel so scared of the rains;
Just try to smile with the shining moon
And find some cheers from ur pains.
Hold ur success tight in ur fist
Spread ur wings and fly....
Coz this would give u the freedom to think
N u'll stand up and try......"

"Hope is the hat rack upon which i hang my dreams"

'Someday all you will have to light your way will be a single ray of HOPE and that will be enough".....So true....I've always read such thoughts......almost everywhere.....books, newspapers, magazines, posters...... But then you can't believe in such things until and unless u come across the realities of life. I've always known the fact that life is not a bed of roses....but donno why... i always expected my life to be fine...good....great.....perfect. Happens with everyone...huh!!! In the past few months, I've understood life better. There were times when i had nothing...times when i had no one....times when i felt broken.....times when i lost myself......All through these times i just had a little ray of hope....Hope that time n again whispered in my ears that light gonna step in again.......But still...I was scared.....Had faced a lot....had felt the soft touch of my tears....the pain in my eyes when those drops of tears used to stream out....ENDLESSLY.....The smile that i had to stick on my face to hide my inner woes.....the emptiness....the ups n downs....n yet again...the HOPE....Today...when i look back to my life...when i ponder upon those times....unexpectedly i feel GOOD. I feel good about the ways life chose to teach me wat STRENGTH is .....life made me know myself.....my feelings....my smiles.
Now, with days passing by....I'm rediscovering myself.....my SMILES are back....my DREAMS are shaping up....and my HOPE...thats still there...held tightly as a part of my heart n soul.......These recollections remind me of a line said my Kahlil Gibran....."He alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving.." .........now i understand why Mother Teresa said- "PROBLEMS ARE GIFTS" :-)